Et tu, Brute?

Longing for trust.


 

From then to now it has always been about one thing and that is trust. Something I just can’t have. To be very frank I have gone out my way to stand with people, you know, just because one should be there for others. Seriously I still have not stopped doing it. I seize any opportunity that I feel comfortable with just to help others.

I do not only try. That is not my way. I either do it or I do not but honestly most of the times I end up doing it – putting others before myself while helping them, you know, just because I think I should. Not that I want something out of it or that I am secretly expecting the Gods to reward me for my good deeds. I do not care if I am getting anything or nothing at all. I just have a bad habit of making myself available – all the time – every time.

And you know why I am calling it a bad habit is because I just won’t stop. Let alone being appreciated, no one ever tells you on your face that they do not need you or your presence or your help. Oh no, they will use all the free hands that they can get and would not even mind backbiting, backstabbing and worse yet coming back to you and acting like you are a fool who knows nothing about them or their words.

Even after experiencing it personally I continue like a shameless person lost in his own passion and compassion, being ridiculed time and again. It hurts and it is sad but ‘stupid’ people never change then why should I? I am different and that is my only explanation.

I have longed for trust and I still do because I have not met a single soul that I trust completely. Obviously you can exclude my family, but to have someone your age and someone who gets you and is also trustworthy, now that is like finding needle in a haystack – not impossible but is it worth going through all the trouble? The needle you found might just be another useless piece of metal.

 

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4 thoughts on “Et tu, Brute?

  1. Trust is a hard one – I have issues with it too. I had to learn how not to do for others what my inner self was not in to. It rings with falseness maybe but it usually isn’t appreciated the way I secretly want it. It has to come from the heart. My mother always told me that if you had 5 friends you trusted you had enough to last. I have a couple but it took time to develop them, to give when I could but be willing to take as well. Reciprocity is so important. Hang in there.

  2. Pingback: Versatile & Beloved, Part II – Music Teacher Lifestyle

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