Fear and only fear has the strength to shake my core. I fear a few things, who does not? But I stay away from it by living in now; focusing on now has its benefits and that is the lack of time which I would otherwise use to sit and force myself into bad/sad mood merely by thoughts.
I get cold sweats at the thought of losing loved ones, being alone, not finding love, being alone. Oh, I have already mentioned it but yes. I have figured that, it is the most common of all fears – being alone. No one likes embarrassments, no one likes failure, but I would say these are still manageable because you would have some to fall back on. I mean having someone to share my sadness and happiness with, gives me that strength to just go through it all.
You know like children holding on to their parent’s fingers or the way they just run to them, their safe haven, whenever they are scared.
A shoulder to cry on or somebody to boogy with when you are on top of the world. It is a need. Now, imagine failing at something or just falling down, and not having a single person to talk to, share with, let alone someone to crying it out to. Imagine being happy and not being congratulated by the closest of your relations. It won’t even feel like a celebration. There won’t be any party, be it pity party or the good kind.
This also points out the fact that sacrificing everything for that one thing which we believe would fetch us all the luxury in life will not feel as much of a pinnacle when we finally get it if we have no one to celebrate it with.
I am all about being the lone wolf, being away from drama and baggage to get better things in life, but I like to keep a check on my priorities because they can not be static. Had I kept my priorities static I would have lost more than I did acquire or experience till today. Dependency on someone is not good but honestly if its love than why not. Just give, receive, take, lend! To the ones you know and to the ones you do not!
In the essence of my post and in lines with the fear of losing loved ones, there is a fine line between actually being with someone and spending quality time with them or just having a relationship. This needs a mention… Are you just Friends with someone or do you guys really chat it out? Do you laugh it out? Do you vent it out? Do you fight it out? Are you making memories or are you too busy just filling your pockets and camera rolls?
I am relieved to know that I might have made some bold choices like, when I would sit with my granny listening to her stories for hours on end during my exams. Honestly, the fear of failing was not as much as the fear of not getting that moment back. As a student it was a hard decision and risks require tactics. So, I studied at nights instead and enjoyed my days with my grandparents.
I ended up getting three things out of it. Amazing memories to look back on, good grades (because when you are satisfied emotionally you do better every way), and appreciation for my hard work – just because I was studying late night it seemed like I was working too hard. Although I was not really but hey, no ones being harmed so let it be!
I have had shivers and I still get them but I have realised one thing over the years that, imagining it all will give you shivers but when something really goes wrong that is when you stand still, FROZEN! Now that is a different story.
So, shivers are of our own making. Prioritising and following your heart is the mantra and then happiness will conquer all.