Dare to share?

I have this constant feeling like there is no single person who knows me completely. I mean, the world doesn’t need too know it all,  but I feel like I am one of those people who observes a lot and expresses the least and in some way it does become suffocating. Well, it makes sense why I write, quite an effective method to release my thoughts.

I try to be aware every moment, not like I am a follower of mindfulness or anything au-contraire I have this habit of over-thinking. It only helps that I am aware of it. Sometimes it feels like I push myself too much and instead of stopping myself from reacting to a situation mindlessly, I end up not responding at all which is usually followed by a  lot of suffering. Silence can be easily taken advantage of and you get taken for granted frequently. Sometimes, it is stressful be nice!

So is forced peace and quiet a trap of its own? Yes, it is. If it was not, people would speak their minds and be free instead of going to the extent of resting in peace forever. What I have learnt is, If you are not happy do not force it, life is an actual roller-coaster just roll with it.

Coming back to the point, It is definitely magical to be in a place where you get to choose how you want to feel. Sticks and stones may break my bones, words do not.  Umm, excuse-me, but if you are in anyway sensitive as I am then, being in control to have an appropriate response every-time becomes an additional task apart from having to manage your emotions. What an emotional mess!

In some ways world is what it is, and we can walk like the nicest people around, but is too much to ask others, specially those who walk like they own the ground that they walk upon, to be slightly considerate. I do not believe that it is a dog eat dog world but honestly there are people who lack any form of sensibility. Oh, if people cared a little more about others than themselves – what a world would it be?

But yes, there is no point in whining about it and at the same time does it leave anyone who we call as our own. Family and friends we have aplenty but can we expect an unconditional-support from them, somewhere down the line there will be a a conflict and only those who are understanding of the fact that people are different would stick around. This is what makes it so hard to talk about anything and I mean “anything” with fellow people that we call as our own.

Think of the last time you did not have to think before you spoke, I feel like we are not only getting politically correct in the social sphere but also in our bedrooms. If you convey your raw thoughts, people might call you crass but if you shove BS with a bow tied on the top, they will happily take it. Weird, right!?

Anyway, what really worries me sometimes is how insensitivity or dead-serious has become equivalent to being-in-power. I wish people talked more, listened more, danced and sung a little more than becoming like robots.

We actually have a responsibility of picking others up, helping them out, of caring. Be it in friendship, love, or authority we should all collectively put an effort to become someone who others can confined in so at least they can dare to share. And if you have some one like that in your life, hold on to them.

The twos.

Look…
In or out, make a choice already.
Yes or no, decide and be free.
This or that, let’s take a chance.
Up or down are the only two ways to be.

Living as an individual surrounded by duality,
I keep waiting for the other half to fill my reality.
When the twos are together I realise,
Life comes down to a moment so eternal,
Nothing seems awry.

Now tell me…
The known or the unknown, where do you dwell?
Light or dark, what do you use?
Thought or action, you can’t even refuse.
Here or there are the only two places you’ll be.

So, I see their games and I see them… more than they can even tell.
I keep quiet for things that are true.
Like a fool might seem ignorant,
And the one fooling too indulged,
But only one of them can walk-away at the end.

Is it just me?

I think I am officially at that stage in my life where I end up asking over and over again, is it just me or is everyone finding themselves losing their interest in activities that they deemed as fun. It is like I am actually growing old, not just growing up. Oh, gosh can we just rewind, I do not think I am ready for this!

It is somewhat funny to be honest, to be in such a place where you are just not sure of yourself. I am stuck in this age where I am not yet old to be taken seriously by the “old”  and not that young to be called “hip”. Twenties make you they say but honestly it seems like a phase of hit-and-trial.

Jobs? Well, you gotta find one. Love? Well, you just gotta find someone. Friends? Who that? Everyone is busy finding the right job and the love of their life. Hobbies? Where is the time. Coffee? Yes, everyone is high on it literally just trying to stay awake. But that is my concern, why are we so tired? It has been a long time, I can not remember the last time I partied too hard or studied till the wee hours of the morning so this restlessness, this exhaustion is confusing. I think, it is just an outcome of being in a constant state of dis-organisation or is it just me?

This lack of direction is making me expend more energy than I did during my college years. It is the only logical explanation that I can find for this feeling of being in a loop; eat, sleep, wake-up, repeat… Or is this the real adult-life? Again, I did not sign up for this.

Also, there is a new feeling of missing out on experiences, like a fear that I am missing out on life while I am busy figuring out things and if I indulge in “fun” I might miss out this adult-ing process which until now, to my horror, seems like it will make sure that I become old and not necessarily wise. Are we turning into mindless robots…?

This for another time, but many studies suggest that not only education but our systems in general tend to destroy creativity and ‘many’ people tend to lose it with age and that is very scary.

I see people living with purpose, doing great, and one day when life hits them, they become philosophical and then they realise that, we accomplish things in life to sustain it and not live to just accomplish one thing after the other as it is an endless rut. So they become irritable or at worse stingy or recluse.

Sounds like a lot of work – lose yourself to make yourself only to lose yourself in that process and find yourself again. But as a journey that it is, we shall enjoy it. This is the only way I can bring myself to come to terms with adult-ing. Or is it just me… overthinking it (as usual)?

Outside-Inside.

Things happen for a reason.
We have been hearing that forever.
What is this? What does it even mean?
Some times I can’t see any meaning to it.
Life just seems out of control.
For I can either indulge or sit here and question it all,
I choose to watch carefully as I participate.
Is this what they call awareness?
Now, I feel like I can control a few things.
Like, add a little sweet to any bitterness.

May be not all of it,
But one thing that has become a choice.
If how I feel is just a chemical reaction…
I’ll take charge and mould it to my liking.
Choice is not just at the first step,
The sail can be set in any direction.
I never knew of this power,
That mentality controls our actions.
That we are only perceiving and projecting,
All that we have been gathering.

Now, it does make sense,
Reasons to all situations do exist.
We are merely manifesting our beliefs,
Sometimes holding on to what was,
Other times fearing what it will be,
Losing on all that is actual reality.
It is like a game of charade.
I am the player and I am getting played.
And the moment when I see a little clearly,
The outside is every one’s, but the inside it’s only me.