A style for life.

There was a time when individuality was not of much importance. It was not a need per say. People were content with what they had, who they were, and did not mind the rut. I do not think they had the word “rut”. For them survival was important and why would it not be when you live under some one’s rule and they make all the rules, all you are left with is to follow. Which does not leave much time to ask yourself the question – who am I?

All these deep questions and the curiosity to know something beyond comes only when you have that kind of time. Having experienced love by swiping right and having an access to all knowledge which is a click-away requires much less time and effort compared to actually finding someone and falling in love or seeking something and getting clarity over that matter.

So we end up with a lot of time in our hands and we multitask to fill it up thus giving birth to unnecessary pressure and not to mention strange activities…. Like naked yoga. No hate but I mean really? Naked? In a group? Okay!

Our style of living life now a days is all about having a life-style. I think we went from not thinking for ourselves to thinking for everyone. For instance my way might not be the most original way so I must sprinkle some individuality over it as I run after someone else’s lifestyle while wanting others to follow. In my opinion this takes the focus from being or becoming this or that to trying to have this or that.

Having role models and imitating them is not wrong, but make it your own perhaps and not destroy the authenticity. Follow the person, the personality, the virtues, the values and not just their lifestyle. Style should be for life – your life.

None taken.

Disagreements are pretty common and many people get over them easily. Some require a little more than a talk to get over things. Misunderstandings are a part and parcel of people with reactive attitudes. This does not mean that the entire blame lies on them. The one who misunderstood would get the gibe (most of the times), but an equal responsibility must be shared by the one who said the things that led to all this.

Ha! this is one of those really confusing situations but it totally depends on the kind of people you are dealing with. You know how sometimes things just come out wrong or in a way that you did not really intended them to sound. Nonetheless, the immediate realisation by the speaker hints that, they understand what they have said does not really sound correct (or as these days politically correct).

Well life is not meant to be politically correct all the time and it is alright to be conscious of this when in dialogue with strangers but mostly misunderstandings happen between two very close people. Ha! another of those funny but real-confusing realities of life.

Now, this does not mean that one speaks, the other gets hurt and that is the end of it all. Neither should it mean the one who “supposedly” got hurt unleashes a wrath on the speaker nor is it all meant to be ignored. But none should react,  its just a chain reaction; I say, you misunderstand, you react, I defend, you do not let go, I do not accept it, I react and we fight! So choose none, just be one.

Looking back, as kids nothing really mattered there were no misunderstandings because there were no preconceived notions, no hurts carried over from past experiences, nothing to really correlate one thing with the other and make a mess out of it. It was plain and simple. That is the only thing that changes as we grow up. We start believing we just know it all, and we do but unfortunately without much clarity.

From none to a ton. Tonnes of thoughts get processed and we like to read between the lines a little too often. Where ever the trust has gone? I feel like understanding the fact that not many people really give a second thought to things they say or do while others are exactly opposite, should bring  an acceptance of each others’ harmless comments.

So while the only truth is THE misunderstanding the problem takes a shape of “you never understand me” “well, how am I suppose to know that. I do not read mind” etc etc etc. It goes back and forth, and the egos would not let either just take the blame and move on. In the process neither would bend but won’t mind breaking each other. That is just sad.

So to save ourselves the pain let’s just handle this the way we do it with strangers, “no offence!” “Oh, none taken”.

My power, mine!

So much effort and such enthusiasm goes in to the secondary that primary gets forgotten in the run. It is not conditioning of the mind, but replacing a habit and replacing is not same as removing.

That comes to my mind when I hear some one suggesting physical activity as a way to let out some “steam”. So much of health and fitness has become a trend. It is not, by any means, a wrong thing at all but when it comes to the real vigour, the real strength, the real power I think we as a modern civilisation fall back by miles when it comes to mental health.

Put your anger into workout, that is common phrase that I have actually heard people say. No doubt the concentration, the motivation, the hard work required in any physical activity helps discipline the body to get over physical barriers thus making one stronger even mentally, but I do not agree with the following statements…

“Have too much pressure built up? Go punch the bag.”
“Got too much on your mind? Put in your music and jog around.”

What is this if not a new habit of compulsively letting the steam out each time it builds up? Just replacing all the sighing, sulking and whining with lifting weights or punching the bag – I am not sure of the approach, sounds like yet another addition to our quest of finding peace out there.

When I hear some one suggesting physical activity as a stress reliever. I always get confused because we are not really letting out or getting completely over something instead we are putting it all away and that is as worse as it can get. To put all your feelings and emotions aside and then burning out when dealing with it all at once is not good idea.

You can find a million ways to put those feelings aside and get the adrenaline rush to help you get over something for a while. Natural rush is better than alcohol – agreed! But it is a dependence nonetheless. And that is no power. It is all in the head and I have learnt that primary (mental) makes secondary (physical) stronger.

Your power, yours! It lies in getting over a problem not in getting around it.

Chaotic chaos…

Be yourself they say.
With no handbook,
No manual,
It is nothing short of chaotic.

The one I chose to be.
The one you asked me to be.
The one society expects me to be.
Can’t co-exist. It’s chaotic.

The way I want to act.
The way you ask me to act.
The way I am expected to act.
Can’t enact. It’s chaotic.

The things that I do.
The things you want me to do
The things I am expected to do.
Can’t un-do. It’s chaotic.

You will find a way they say,
And with no help,
No guidance,
It is a chaos.

Each to their own,
No one wants to be alone.
Love finds it’s way.
So does chaos one day.

Then you are two.
All gets better..
By each morning sun.
But the chaos stays.

No start, no end.
We re-birth and we die,
Only with chaos…
By our side.

A chaotic mess of chaos is this life – just imperfectly perfect or the other way round.
YOU Choose!

Wait a while.

And then you just wait…

A list full of tasks,

Taken care of.

Now I yearn for,

Something new.

A few things shaken.

A lot more changed.

Wanted it to be,

Different form the past.

 

Gathered the perfect soil.

Got some seeds of mine.

My karma as they call it.

I planted them so fine.

A little was moved.

A lot of water showered.

Sun quite bright,

And under the right light.

 

“What do I do now?”

I want it, quickly.

Life demanded that,

I wait for a bit more.

A tiny part of me,

A side I never did see.

I waited, kept waiting,

Until I saw it sprout.

 

With change of seasons.

Only patience helped.

My eyes finally saw,

Saw it grow.

A little taller.

A lot stronger.

All that I sowed.

All that I waited for.

 

Then, I learnt giving up control…

Leaves you feeling lighter.

Sometimes just wait,

A little while longer.

A lot  is getting done…

Before I can reap,

My rightful rewards.

Which I don’t yet see.

 

Be careful what you wish for, be extra careful what you think about. You will reflect your thoughts and it will attract the like. And we reap what we sow!

The going can be tough.

Been treading on this path.

To reach my right spot.

I might have fallen down.

But I did carry on.

 

One after the other.

Have seen it all uncover.

At times a little tougher.

Other times smoother.

 

Took caution when should have.

Let it loose when could have.

Smiles faked, a few risks taken.

Didn’t let the doubt slip in.

 

Can I always be that strong?

’cause it did go wrong.

Fear crept in anyway.

Left me shaken for days.

 

Shouldn’t have worn,

My heart on my sleeves.

Goodness is in,

The very nature of me.

 

What’s the use? The good suffers too.

Or am I wrong in my ways.

Should I listen to what they say?

But the voices inside won’t go away.

 

Could have given in,

Could have made the din.

But I did not. Not for others.

Even when I felt smothered.

 

And there was a breakthrough…

Hope is not always with you.

With no shoulders to cry on.

To conquer, one must tread on.

 

And in all the after math.

I am happy I did not lose myself.

If nothing else I have me.

What else would I need?

 

Not so strong, not so bold.

Neither can I break a heart or more.

No loud noises, no shouting from me.

But I will prevail and they will see.

 

So not rad!

Whoever made this slang were definitely cool. One random thought on being radical is that, how radical are we?

I for one am losing my fire for this so called living, or should I call it, phasing through unaware. Does that make sense?  Yeah, my existential crisis is not so rad.

What? Why? How? When? Why? And again why? I mean, if as a human I am of free will, should I not break all of my mind-made shackles and simply be more than I am right now? But responsibilities can hold one down. Like what responsibilities could I have?

I do not have many, but one responsibility of finding my purpose.

I know I am going deep. And is it even going to be worth it? I do not know but the heart wants what it wants. I need to find myself first. I do not feel like I am lost, lost is when you do not know anything. I feel as if I have seen enough and heard enough to repeat the history again. Why and for what?

Why did Shakespeare ever write about the stages of life? He generalised with such astuteness that I find the cyclical nature of it very unappealing.

It is funny how for every thing these days I have one question – why? If you say lets hang out I will probably be up for that but if you say work on something then why? What does any thing of the ordinary amount to? Why do smaller things when you could be saving animals, feeding the hungry or helping people in distress.

I am sort of being a dreamer, I guess. Just a phase?

There is more to life than just being glued to computer screens and in today’s world people who want more tend to feel caged. Explains the number of people that has risen significantly talk about backpackers, students taking gap years, people seeking peace via spirituality or getting high on other things.

I am actually afraid of being stuck in a rut that will not allow me to fulfill my purpose. Is it a common feeling?

I assume it is because at the core of it we all know the fact that we have created such a structured life that, we do not really experience life instead we phase through it like a programmed robot. Too much predictability, too much of system, the same old same old!

Being bored is common but what about not finding anything “normal/ordinary” interesting. I am turning in to an adventure junkie. Or the very fact that, “nothing is impossible” has been badly etched in my blotting paper of a brain.

I think it is good to feel this way unless it causes depression because, it is natural – wanting to break free. No animal (including humans) was made to be caged. But the walls put you off even my flame is only a flicker.

Oh, I need a radical change because I am like that piece of puzzle looking for its perfect place – the only place I fit. It is much closer than we know. And that is rad!

 

 

Bling-a-Zing

You know when you are feeling it, but do not really have the strength to do it, you would still go for it because, well, you are feeling it. And then again you would be so in to the moment and full of energy, but not feeling it and you would give up and give away perhaps one of the best things or experiences in the world. It is kind of hilarious how one person’s amazing might not even be on another person’s to-do list.

It is all about the bling these days. What shines might not be gold but everybody would at least have a look at it if not go for it. What shines, sells. What is heard, spreads. What is seen, believed and what is to choose, is chosen. The choices now, they are based on the zing. I never choose unless I am all about it. That is zing!

Lets talk about this very zing dying each moment a little inconvenience crosses my life. I mean it has become such a pattern I suppose or is it that life indeed has taken a complete new form and structure these days. Honestly it is both, a change in life style and the life that I lived as a kid was surrounded by like-minded people. Sadly, not the same anymore.

As a millennial, all I got during my student life was lots and lots of comfort and as obvious it is growing up requires you to step out of that comfort – be it four walls of your school surrounded by friends or the four walls of your home surrounded by the best people in the world. And one day you are done, done with being a kid and you are on your own in this massive globe, on a tiny country in a small city with humongous population and people that come from all walks of life.

On one hand there are jerks all over the world and sometimes they come in flocks – no doubt in that the only way is to run away from them, while on the other hand you have just people. Random people, strangers, normal… going about life just like you and me. But the biggest difference here is that, you are alone and no one of your age group accompanies you in this part of the journey. Your friends are going through the same and you come to realise how young and sometimes naive you are in this social/professional world. Naive by being real, by being pure, by being plain innocent.

As far as my personal experience goes for some strange reason I never felt as much of generation gap between me and my parents or even grand parents as much as with people who are not even 10 years older to me. Talking about them I have met a few who are not able to let go of the child in them and they seemed pretentiously childish and those who have accepted their age were sort of too strict with their notions thus disregarding every and anything that young ones have to say or do. Not generalising just sharing!

It is but life’s stage and in this phase where you are the young one, the new one, is seriously a point that might lead to loss of zing because it makes you wonder is that what you are headed to? Becoming indifferent? First stuck with the child in you and then having to act your age.

I feel we lose it, we lose it in its very essence, the zing is gone because you see and learn that innocence will be taken advantage of and soon you too would be fake and lame like some people I have come across. Not that every one is fake but who is being real anymore? It is hard to figure out. And it is does not make one cool by laughing off every matter.

It won’t be such a charade if we just acted and said what we really wanted to instead of what is age appropriate and what satisfies the ego. It steals away all the zing in name of the bling.

Existential Crisis.

Feeling cheated by life yet?

There was a time when everything in this life was an amazement. Every moment in it self a memory to be treasured there was no need to capture those moments, no need to rush any of it, no need to plan, no need to be “politically” correct, no need to explain, no need to comprehend what was beyond me, no need to worry about tomorrow, no need to have needs be defined so specifically.

And come to present, everything has become so structured that, the more I organise the more unorganised I feel. The more I plan, there arises a need to change plans later, the more I foresee an outcome the more it will be opposite of the expected. It is not just the lack of spontaneity but the lack of time, I feel, has thrown me into this whirlwind of emotions. The lack of time for loved ones, for something bigger.

How long can you be a mess yet carry on as if you are in total control? The moment I will snap I will snap bad haha. The moment I will lose it, I do not think I will be able to gather it back as quickly. Is it wrong to feel a little over whelmed, specially when it actually is overwhelming? Changes okay… This frequent? No thanks! Were I not preparing for being an adult all along and now there is more to it, wow!

Bu then again I question am I just being dramatic and what if not? What is the meaning of all this? Where is this all headed to? Oh that is existential crisis right there. Hit your twenties yet?

I do not feel as much cheated by life as I feel from the people who created a false picture of this world and life for me. I won’t say I was not told that life is not a bed roses. I was very well informed, but I always believed that there has to be an alternate. All I have to do is give my best and move on. No expectations, right?

To hell with no expectations! Can a person not even expect snow in winters or blooming flowers in spring now? What is the meaning of being in control if not gripping onto things. I do not even want to talk about people or relationships because that is too much. How to juggle so much with a smile and if I am able to manage it well, does life stop there? No!

There are bigger purposes to be filled and it is easy to sit here and write about feeling overwhelmed by life, under the comforts of my roof and then I get struck with a thought, how do the unfortunate find enough strength to go on? Just because there is no other way? Is there really no other way?

Putting it simply, how long does one keep on going and how further? I am for one who preaches of positivity and strength that comes from your thoughts alone, I do not see the end when it reads “dead end” I see it as a sign asking me to change my course. But a new course will be as difficult and treacherous as it was treading on this “chosen” path. Change is the only thing certain and there are people with real problems so I move on, I will cope up…What else can we, with all our human power, do?

It is easy to be at peace with yourself, accept your past, not give thoughts about your future and just be in the present. After all present has enough to keep me busy. But then how long do I stand with me peace while some one and/or something is being entirely wrong. I know we all feel we do not deserve it, but does anyone care for your kindness. The mere title of “kind” goes in hand in hand with “easy to pick on”. Oh, why not bother the quiet? After all silence is weakness?!

Oh, the wrath of quiet ones is something that they are scared of themselves. It destroys! They just do not want to get down to that low level. What I find funny is the new zeal I get whenever a new challenge comes my way, I get on a new mission of being the change I want to see. Just that it gets a little lonely and tiring at times… Makes me question my very decision to be the change.

Is it worth it?  Is it possible to be too good, too quiet, too kind, overly peace-loving?

Nonetheless, NEVER BACK DOWN!

Maybe, later?

And sometimes you just have to…. say, “see you, (maybe) later?!?”

Stronger than my will

Were her emotions, so still!

Weaker than my heart was hers.

Sillier than her thoughts

Were my plans, she never sought!

Easier it was for her than me.

We dreamt a little different.

Drifted apart, for the better!

With just a… “may be, later!?”