Shiver!

Fear and only fear has the strength to shake my core. I fear a few things, who does not? But I stay away from it by living in now; focusing on now has its benefits and that is the lack of time which I would otherwise use to sit and force myself into bad/sad mood merely by thoughts.

I get cold sweats at the thought of losing loved ones, being alone, not finding love, being alone. Oh, I have already mentioned it but yes. I have figured that, it is the most common of all fears – being alone. No one likes embarrassments, no one likes failure, but I would say these are still manageable because you would have some to fall back on. I mean having someone to share my sadness and happiness with, gives me that strength to just go through it all.

You know like children holding on to their parent’s fingers or the way they just run to them, their safe haven, whenever they are scared.

A shoulder to cry on or somebody to boogy with when you are on top of the world. It is a need. Now, imagine failing at something or just falling down, and not having a single person to talk to, share with, let alone someone to crying it out to. Imagine being happy and not being congratulated by the closest of your relations. It won’t even feel like a celebration. There won’t be any party, be it pity party or the good kind.

This also points out the fact that sacrificing everything for that one thing which we believe would fetch us all the luxury in life will not feel as much of a pinnacle when we finally get it if we have no one to celebrate it with.

I am all about being the lone wolf, being away from drama and baggage to get better things in life, but I like to keep a check on my priorities because they can not be static. Had I kept my priorities static I would have lost more than I did acquire or experience till today. Dependency on someone is not good but honestly if its love than why not. Just give, receive, take, lend! To the ones you know and to the ones you do not!

In the essence of my post and in lines with the fear of losing loved ones, there is a fine line between actually being with someone and spending quality time with them or just having a relationship. This needs a mention… Are you just Friends with someone or do you guys really chat it out? Do you laugh it out? Do you vent it out? Do you fight it out? Are you making memories or  are you too busy just filling your pockets and camera rolls?

I am relieved to know that I might have made some bold choices like, when I would sit with my granny listening to her stories for hours on end during my exams. Honestly, the fear of failing was not as much as the fear of not getting that moment back. As a student it was a hard decision and risks require tactics. So, I studied at nights instead and enjoyed my days with my grandparents.

I ended up getting three things out of it. Amazing memories to look back on, good grades (because when you are satisfied emotionally you do better every way), and appreciation for my hard work – just because I was studying late night it seemed like I was working too hard. Although I was not really but hey, no ones being harmed so let it be!

I have had shivers and I still get them but I have realised one thing over the years that, imagining it all will give you shivers but when something really goes wrong that is when you stand still, FROZEN! Now that is a different story.

So, shivers are of our own making. Prioritising and following your heart is the mantra and then happiness will conquer all.

 

 

Solitude could be a choice.

Take Care: When you’re unwell, do you allow others to take care of you, or do you prefer to soldier on alone? What does it take for you to ask for help?


 

Woah, what a personal prompt!?

When it comes to being taken care of or receiving anything from anyone, it is a little difficult for me. Not that I have ego problems, it is just that I do not like bothering people with my issues. I do not really expect favours. Seriously though how do you even ask for help?

On the other hand, I love being there for someone, I like lending a hand once in a while (whenever I feel like it), I like to know and try to make sure that my peeps are comfortable and feeling fine. What is more better than knowing that your dear ones are doing great? So giving is okay but receiving… I am not so sure about that.

Yes, I am complex (LOL) yet straightforward. If you have a headache take a pill and just chill (rest!!) you do not need others to tell you that, do you? It happened recently, I felt like really exhausted by the end of each day doing same daily activities so I knew I was reaching the burnout stage and I did not let anyone around me even get a hint.

This, not letting others know, only leads to serious problems. People think you are fine and you are handed regular work while in reality you can not even focus at a single task at hand. It can get frustrating, it gets for me, and then comes the change in my attitude, I get all agitated and temperamental. Funny enough, that is how my family gets to know that I am not well. Not by words but by my behaviour.

I guess, I do not like putting it in words – “I need help!!” instead I just try to stay calm and strong until one fine day I go crazy at some random point in time and the ones who know me understand (my friend Tanya can relate), but others just think of me as what they get to see – crazy, it’s okay to be a little bit nuts though. Being with yourself teaches you to accept yourself and be comfortable in your own skin thus, solitude is not necessarily a bad thing, loneliness is. Being alone can be a choice.

So, asking for help??… ummm not happening any time soon.

On a serious note, being a soldier or asking for help might be a choice but staying aware of yourself is a necessity. One has to learn to take care of themselves first and then they can take care of the entire world (if they want to).

But do you know where the real good feels come from? They come from those little things that your friends or family do for you by accepting you with all your craziness and still (for some reason) stay with you. Those are the people who really matter and if you have them, believe me you do not really have to ask for help – it just arrives.