Outside-Inside.

Things happen for a reason.
We have been hearing that forever.
What is this? What does it even mean?
Some times I can’t see any meaning to it.
Life just seems out of control.
For I can either indulge or sit here and question it all,
I choose to watch carefully as I participate.
Is this what they call awareness?
Now, I feel like I can control a few things.
Like, add a little sweet to any bitterness.

May be not all of it,
But one thing that has become a choice.
If how I feel is just a chemical reaction…
I’ll take charge and mould it to my liking.
Choice is not just at the first step,
The sail can be set in any direction.
I never knew of this power,
That mentality controls our actions.
That we are only perceiving and projecting,
All that we have been gathering.

Now, it does make sense,
Reasons to all situations do exist.
We are merely manifesting our beliefs,
Sometimes holding on to what was,
Other times fearing what it will be,
Losing on all that is actual reality.
It is like a game of charade.
I am the player and I am getting played.
And the moment when I see a little clearly,
The outside is every one’s, but the inside it’s only me.

The power of two.

There are so many combinations in the world that are just meant-to-be. The things that just cannot do on their own. Like the very basic things that we take for granted but are the very basis of life, only if there is air can there be fire, only if there is fire or heat can there be water, and only if there is water can there be life.

There are patterns all around us but we are too busy to notice. Busy with our own mental games and not even the happy kind but tragic scenarios that we love to create in our heads also known as worrying. I mean we are such obsessive beings. I am too, but I have learnt of be aware of my slips from reality and once you create this habit of staying in the here and now, you honestly won’t find time to over-think about the there and then.

The more we are in the moment, the better we see things and by that I mean the fascinating world of patterns – from human behaviour to the physical laws of the universe, there are set patterns. One such combination of ingredients that can make or break anything in life is time and action. This is nothing new they have been saying it for ages; strike the iron when its hot. The statement seems out-dated because none of us today would know where is the iron and what to strike it with. So I just changed it completely to my own understanding. I would say time is my ally and silence is my weapon.

If time and action are one of the greatest combinations then it is only meaningful to see the alternate as time and inaction because for anyone who knows the value of timing also knows the value of silence or inaction. It might seem like negligence or ignorance but choosing to be silent can be of use depending upon the circumstances. To put it in clearer context imagine time as your ally now all you have to do is wait. And when you wait it turns your silence into a weapon.

For some reason I am using the word weapon to signify the power of silence because I think we have officially reached a point in human evolution where weapon is seen as the most useful thing to have. After all as animals, survival is the most basic of our needs and weapons are a prerequisite for survival. But to those who know it by experience it goes without saying, silence can be overwhelming. And it is powerful when directed the right way. Silence and time – one as a weapon the other as an ally, now that is the power of two.

Go with the flow?

Any number of time we here this quote,”go with the flow”, we tend to nod in agreement. And as usual this got me thinking and I got inspired enough to write about it. It seems like we are wired for positivity or wired to expect positive outcomes in life. It is not about how we feel at present, but mostly about how we wanna feel in the next moment. So a lot of our energy is either stuck in the past or it gets used up in imagining the future which takes our attention away from the flow of life.

My interpretation is that, our minds are naturally inclined to get stuck on things which represent everything but the present moment. So we end up getting stuck – inside our heads – hence we need the flow to guide us out of the mental-madness we so ignorantly create.

Go with the flow, is not a negative statement. It does not compel us to take life as it is. That is quite a useless way of looking at it. I mean, if it was in anyway negative or connoting leniency then, the quote would not have a word like go in it. I have had some people interpret this quote as suggesting to take a back seat. Firstly, how do you take a back seat when you are the only one on the wheels. Secondly, where do you ‘go’ if you are just an audience to your own life.

So the idea is not to just sit and watch life pass by. The idea is to take the current and go where ever ‘it’ is. The destination is the only thing undecided, but what is an adventure if the destination is already known, that is called traveling not venturing. Let’s go with the flow – I think being open minded, having least of expectations, and being involved with reality – is the real essence of the flow. Let the currents take you away but no one said you can not sail your way.

Courage is all it needs, faith can come in handy but to be honest faith in itself comes with a sense of expectation. Which makes me reiterate that, our minds are wired to expect and plan for the next moment, and faith takes the sense of responsibility away from us. It only when we are responsible that we can start talking about courage. And if there is courage, which is a consequence of a strong foundation, it is easy to stand strong. We can sail through storms simply by finding our flow.

The anxiety.

It is commonly seen that as long as things go our way, we are pretty balanced and easy going, but the instant something turns upside down, not many are capable of handling it. This is not really a problem, but is definitely a hurdle and a hassle if you compare your efficiency with others. Not all are equally capable and that is fine.

As kids we never knew anxiety. Kids are so care-free and some even care-less but that works for them. It is not that they are not aware of their feelings. On the contrary they are more in tuned with how and what they feel that they do not even take seconds to express it.

It is expression of our feelings that slows down or gradually and sometimes drastically decreases as we step into adolescence. If you look back at your younger-self (ten years ago), the first thing you would notice is how clue-less, anxious your younger self seems to you now. But understand this, you would say that ten years from now about your current version. This is what they meant by history repeats itself.

We do kind of stay the same but we keep psyching ourselves up and eventually fall prey to a false idea that we changed. Change is so external these days like changing places, food habits, religion, people we associate with etc. etc. We even change our way of thinking and it works to some extent but the result is not stable. We can’t think ourselves into a changed person, we can only be a new person.

Sure, conditioning is where it all  begins and change of thought patterns brings a huge change, but it is only experience that can really change someone, for it is your past experiences that have moulded you and now you can use this same tool to mould a newer-self by opening up to all kinds of experiences.

But is that what we do? NO. We tend to cave in after a few down-falls. And for the rest of our lives we get stuck with fear, and the anxiety of repeating that experience. Anxiety is real, fear is real, feelings are valid. But do we have to give thoughts so much power that it can mess up our mind, mood, physiology etc.? No, thoughts or any other forms of triggers are just triggers. Triggers are real, your reactions are real, but this association of triggers and reaction can be broken with new experiences.

“What if the new experiences are worse than before?”
If you are someone who asked this, then you need to stop it. As you can see this is the root of all anxiety. And if you are gonna have negative thoughts then just label them as negative and let go. Do not let these thoughts consume you.

And not to undermine anyone’s problems but what is inside the head is not the reality, the past, the projection of the past into the future, is not real. It is like self-inflicted pain. The anxiety vanishes when we focus and centre ourselves in this truth. Only this moment is real and only this moment can be changed. Repeat this to yourself, Only this moment is real and only this moment can be changed. And if nothing needs to changed then just let it be. That is how I keep the anxiety at bay.

From vicarious to real.

There is always a first time for everyone. We are all on different levels of experiences in life and that makes it a little hard to comprehend when some one says, “you know” because lets be honest many a times we do not really “know”, we just think that we know because we tend to live vicariously.

But somethings just can not be put into words and had it been possible to transfer every experience that easily then, we could have all just watched a movie or read a book and be done with it all, but no we are not done with it. We are either motivated or demotivated to live that experience once we imagine it.

The thing is that, amidst all the drama that we are surrounded by, we are only looking for meaning. Not necessarily purpose just meaning. And connection is the closest we get to the kind of meaning or completeness we are seeking.

Personally, connection has been an easy thing for me to establish. I do not make friends quickly but eventually, quality over quantity I guess. And there have been times when I had to just break ties because we physically moved away. And as a 90s kid, I had and have off-line friends more than the on-line kind. Which brings me to the point of the matter and my recent experience with an old connection/friend. Story time.

When I say old friend, I mean just 8 years of friendship but as young adults that is a long time. The whole story and the answer to whose fault is it that the friendship is over comes down to this one stupid move (not mine 😛). I am not for blame game though.

What stupid move? Lack of communication? Oh, no there was plenty of communication perhaps, even more than there should have been. So, a fight? Not really, but yes a disagreement turned into an argument and “the friend” decided to just block me on social medium. And later unblocked. Does sound childish but what the heck!

So there, you see, one move. One mindless move was the end of it all. There are certain etiquettes to maintaining healthy relationships and as foolish as it is to break your phone in anger or throw profanities at someone (or lose your sh*t as they call it), there is always an understanding of one person “having lost it” which automatically shifts the responsibility of being calm on to the other party.

But with an action so passive and yet so loud like blocking a good old friend in all your senses and awareness sends a clear message across – the relationship is not at all valued. It is not only difficult to find an appropriate response here, but it is also quite helpless a situation and not to mention the lack of closure is insurmountable. What do I do? Where do we go after this? Even if you come back around what will stop you the next time? 

Like they say if it is meant to be, it will be otherwise not and that’s that. Things have ended before in one or the other way but this was a first and was certainly something that I had only lived vicariously. How does one just leave and then expect to be welcomed again. But that is for other time.

Don’t just believe.

The fresh morning dew
On the grass so green
First ray of sunlight
Makes it gleam.
A little chilly and
The air so clean.
Smell of the pine
This feels like a dream.
A few pretty birds
Chirping and flying.
Singing songs,
Dancing with the wind.
It is the usual.
This serene scene.
So bright, so beautiful.
One must mention it.
As I paint the picture…
You experience it too.
How magical is that!?
No need to believe
A thing or two.
For what is real
Always comes to us.
Then, why waste time
In placing your trust…
If you believe anything,
One thing is a must.
Live it! Don’t just believe it.
Before time turns all of it to dust.

Voluminous.

Let me spare you the details.
It is either real or it’s all fake.
You can touch it or keep away.
Run or hide and stay aside.
But you will find it in your sight.
What when everything will be at stake?
Will then you not dare to go its way?
It is not until we hit the wall.
Do we realise the reality of it all.
Perhaps all is a dream, it could be a play.
Only for those who know the game.
Wide awake or sleeping deep.
Anyway we end up living it.
I don’t need a voluminous prose.
Might I say it is like the scent of a rose.
And once you get the hang of it.
The spark stays forever lit.

A piece of me.

A choice made here,
A repercussion there.
The intent differs.
A knife is a knife.
A hand could hold one…
To cut, to heal, or to survive.
And we can only question…
The actions.
But motives, the desires.
What if they are right?

Love heals all they say.
Love is what we need.
Love will fix the wrong.
But who decides…
What is wrong indeed.
In love do you submit
Or share?
In love do you force
Or accept?
In love, perhaps we just give up.

It is not love we need.
But something indeed.
What are we missing?
Humanity? Whatever that is!?
It is a part of me!?
A piece of  you…
Where ever you could leave it.
You won’t harm. You won’t fight.
All you do is share the light.
And see a portion of your heart in them”.

Voices heard.

2017- 39/365

Sometimes just sometimes.
It is hard to listen to you.
But when you say so much.
A little gets heard, that is true.
With everyone speaking,
Everyone sharing their views.
SO much is to comprehend.
And what is of my use?
Can I choose to not hear it all.
To close my ears as my refuge.
A lot unheard and untold,
For once hear me out too!
There is a scream deep inside.
Storm of  a word or two.
Deep down – finding its way out.
Come to my rescue.
Show me trust so real.
Watch my heart’s truth.
As I follow my voices without any fear.

It is filthy

The stars shine bright in a clear sky,
But in this filthy light I can’t see.
The sun rays would be strong,
But the filthy dust won’t let it be.

The love was real the love was pure,
Then filthy ideologies tore people away.
Simplicity of words got destroyed,
By the filthy games some did play.

Neither around us nor inside us,
Then why see filth in others?
Kindness may bring disappointment,
But the heart won’t be cautious only free.

Who do you trust? Who do you not?
Of all the questions that’s what we ask?
Believing that through the veil of innocence,
The deceit and filth quietly stares.