Is it just me?

I think I am officially at that stage in my life where I end up asking over and over again, is it just me or is everyone finding themselves losing their interest in activities that they deemed as fun. It is like I am actually growing old, not just growing up. Oh, gosh can we just rewind, I do not think I am ready for this!

It is somewhat funny to be honest, to be in such a place where you are just not sure of yourself. I am stuck in this age where I am not yet old to be taken seriously by the “old”  and not that young to be called “hip”. Twenties make you they say but honestly it seems like a phase of hit-and-trial.

Jobs? Well, you gotta find one. Love? Well, you just gotta find someone. Friends? Who that? Everyone is busy finding the right job and the love of their life. Hobbies? Where is the time. Coffee? Yes, everyone is high on it literally just trying to stay awake. But that is my concern, why are we so tired? It has been a long time, I can not remember the last time I partied too hard or studied till the wee hours of the morning so this restlessness, this exhaustion is confusing. I think, it is just an outcome of being in a constant state of dis-organisation or is it just me?

This lack of direction is making me expend more energy than I did during my college years. It is the only logical explanation that I can find for this feeling of being in a loop; eat, sleep, wake-up, repeat… Or is this the real adult-life? Again, I did not sign up for this.

Also, there is a new feeling of missing out on experiences, like a fear that I am missing out on life while I am busy figuring out things and if I indulge in “fun” I might miss out this adult-ing process which until now, to my horror, seems like it will make sure that I become old and not necessarily wise. Are we turning into mindless robots…?

This for another time, but many studies suggest that not only education but our systems in general tend to destroy creativity and ‘many’ people tend to lose it with age and that is very scary.

I see people living with purpose, doing great, and one day when life hits them, they become philosophical and then they realise that, we accomplish things in life to sustain it and not live to just accomplish one thing after the other as it is an endless rut. So they become irritable or at worse stingy or recluse.

Sounds like a lot of work – lose yourself to make yourself only to lose yourself in that process and find yourself again. But as a journey that it is, we shall enjoy it. This is the only way I can bring myself to come to terms with adult-ing. Or is it just me… overthinking it (as usual)?

Outside-Inside.

Things happen for a reason.
We have been hearing that forever.
What is this? What does it even mean?
Some times I can’t see any meaning to it.
Life just seems out of control.
For I can either indulge or sit here and question it all,
I choose to watch carefully as I participate.
Is this what they call awareness?
Now, I feel like I can control a few things.
Like, add a little sweet to any bitterness.

May be not all of it,
But one thing that has become a choice.
If how I feel is just a chemical reaction…
I’ll take charge and mould it to my liking.
Choice is not just at the first step,
The sail can be set in any direction.
I never knew of this power,
That mentality controls our actions.
That we are only perceiving and projecting,
All that we have been gathering.

Now, it does make sense,
Reasons to all situations do exist.
We are merely manifesting our beliefs,
Sometimes holding on to what was,
Other times fearing what it will be,
Losing on all that is actual reality.
It is like a game of charade.
I am the player and I am getting played.
And the moment when I see a little clearly,
The outside is every one’s, but the inside it’s only me.

The power of two.

There are so many combinations in the world that are just meant-to-be. The things that just cannot do on their own. Like the very basic things that we take for granted but are the very basis of life, only if there is air can there be fire, only if there is fire or heat can there be water, and only if there is water can there be life.

There are patterns all around us but we are too busy to notice. Busy with our own mental games and not even the happy kind but tragic scenarios that we love to create in our heads also known as worrying. I mean we are such obsessive beings. I am too, but I have learnt of be aware of my slips from reality and once you create this habit of staying in the here and now, you honestly won’t find time to over-think about the there and then.

The more we are in the moment, the better we see things and by that I mean the fascinating world of patterns – from human behaviour to the physical laws of the universe, there are set patterns. One such combination of ingredients that can make or break anything in life is time and action. This is nothing new they have been saying it for ages; strike the iron when its hot. The statement seems out-dated because none of us today would know where is the iron and what to strike it with. So I just changed it completely to my own understanding. I would say time is my ally and silence is my weapon.

If time and action are one of the greatest combinations then it is only meaningful to see the alternate as time and inaction because for anyone who knows the value of timing also knows the value of silence or inaction. It might seem like negligence or ignorance but choosing to be silent can be of use depending upon the circumstances. To put it in clearer context imagine time as your ally now all you have to do is wait. And when you wait it turns your silence into a weapon.

For some reason I am using the word weapon to signify the power of silence because I think we have officially reached a point in human evolution where weapon is seen as the most useful thing to have. After all as animals, survival is the most basic of our needs and weapons are a prerequisite for survival. But to those who know it by experience it goes without saying, silence can be overwhelming. And it is powerful when directed the right way. Silence and time – one as a weapon the other as an ally, now that is the power of two.

The Art of Letting Go.

When it comes to striving on and giving up we are often conflicted because our thoughts are only divided into two; how much longer can I keep going vs do I have to keep going?

These are such meaningful thoughts but the problem is these are questions that block us in many ways from seeing any further than this. We get so caught up with these two thoughts often forgetting that there is always a solution, perhaps in an unexpected form but always.

Giving up connotes a negative feeling of losing and when you feel like you can not fight anymore and you just wanna give up, it is better to give up. Giving up is nice actually it is literal withdrawing from the situation… But for how long?

There is a middle ground in letting go; you do not have to give up, yo do not have to go on the same old way. Just let go. Let go but not of the problem, not of the situation, only the expectations.

See, the problem is that there is no real problem but expectations. How do you win or lose without having expectations. Goals are necessary but sticking to the process is a certain state of mind. Actually, it is one of the best states to be in.

It is in this state where you let go of all the outcomes yet you are fully involved because you did not give up. It is in every way a middle ground when you are struggling and are confused whether you should tread on or not, just hold the direction and not the destination. This is the art of letting go.

The way it is…

Think too much about it and, it hurts.
Talk too much about it and, it confuses.
Hear as much as you want, it falls short of real experience.

These senses are not really senses but filters.
You pick up what you choose.
You perceive never the complete truth.

So, just be a witness and then see…
Wonders are nearer than the seem.
Miracles need not be searched.
They will walk up to you instead.

Watch with full indulgence, with full involvement.
Let it take you where it wants to.
Life is not a calculated risk that we took,
It is not even ours say many a books.

Time is all we have, and witness is all we can be.
The mental charade, the learning and, teaching come of no use.
When it comes to life, living is our best bet!
That is the way it is…  Or the way I see it.

Go with the flow?

Any number of time we here this quote,”go with the flow”, we tend to nod in agreement. And as usual this got me thinking and I got inspired enough to write about it. It seems like we are wired for positivity or wired to expect positive outcomes in life. It is not about how we feel at present, but mostly about how we wanna feel in the next moment. So a lot of our energy is either stuck in the past or it gets used up in imagining the future which takes our attention away from the flow of life.

My interpretation is that, our minds are naturally inclined to get stuck on things which represent everything but the present moment. So we end up getting stuck – inside our heads – hence we need the flow to guide us out of the mental-madness we so ignorantly create.

Go with the flow, is not a negative statement. It does not compel us to take life as it is. That is quite a useless way of looking at it. I mean, if it was in anyway negative or connoting leniency then, the quote would not have a word like go in it. I have had some people interpret this quote as suggesting to take a back seat. Firstly, how do you take a back seat when you are the only one on the wheels. Secondly, where do you ‘go’ if you are just an audience to your own life.

So the idea is not to just sit and watch life pass by. The idea is to take the current and go where ever ‘it’ is. The destination is the only thing undecided, but what is an adventure if the destination is already known, that is called traveling not venturing. Let’s go with the flow – I think being open minded, having least of expectations, and being involved with reality – is the real essence of the flow. Let the currents take you away but no one said you can not sail your way.

Courage is all it needs, faith can come in handy but to be honest faith in itself comes with a sense of expectation. Which makes me reiterate that, our minds are wired to expect and plan for the next moment, and faith takes the sense of responsibility away from us. It only when we are responsible that we can start talking about courage. And if there is courage, which is a consequence of a strong foundation, it is easy to stand strong. We can sail through storms simply by finding our flow.

The anxiety.

It is commonly seen that as long as things go our way, we are pretty balanced and easy going, but the instant something turns upside down, not many are capable of handling it. This is not really a problem, but is definitely a hurdle and a hassle if you compare your efficiency with others. Not all are equally capable and that is fine.

As kids we never knew anxiety. Kids are so care-free and some even care-less but that works for them. It is not that they are not aware of their feelings. On the contrary they are more in tuned with how and what they feel that they do not even take seconds to express it.

It is expression of our feelings that slows down or gradually and sometimes drastically decreases as we step into adolescence. If you look back at your younger-self (ten years ago), the first thing you would notice is how clue-less, anxious your younger self seems to you now. But understand this, you would say that ten years from now about your current version. This is what they meant by history repeats itself.

We do kind of stay the same but we keep psyching ourselves up and eventually fall prey to a false idea that we changed. Change is so external these days like changing places, food habits, religion, people we associate with etc. etc. We even change our way of thinking and it works to some extent but the result is not stable. We can’t think ourselves into a changed person, we can only be a new person.

Sure, conditioning is where it all  begins and change of thought patterns brings a huge change, but it is only experience that can really change someone, for it is your past experiences that have moulded you and now you can use this same tool to mould a newer-self by opening up to all kinds of experiences.

But is that what we do? NO. We tend to cave in after a few down-falls. And for the rest of our lives we get stuck with fear, and the anxiety of repeating that experience. Anxiety is real, fear is real, feelings are valid. But do we have to give thoughts so much power that it can mess up our mind, mood, physiology etc.? No, thoughts or any other forms of triggers are just triggers. Triggers are real, your reactions are real, but this association of triggers and reaction can be broken with new experiences.

“What if the new experiences are worse than before?”
If you are someone who asked this, then you need to stop it. As you can see this is the root of all anxiety. And if you are gonna have negative thoughts then just label them as negative and let go. Do not let these thoughts consume you.

And not to undermine anyone’s problems but what is inside the head is not the reality, the past, the projection of the past into the future, is not real. It is like self-inflicted pain. The anxiety vanishes when we focus and centre ourselves in this truth. Only this moment is real and only this moment can be changed. Repeat this to yourself, Only this moment is real and only this moment can be changed. And if nothing needs to changed then just let it be. That is how I keep the anxiety at bay.

It’s a waiting game.

For the world was mesmerising
Every experience was new.
Confusion was the norm.
Had to look everywhere,
For nothing was known.

Now we have arrived
A place of astounding dimensions
Direction, even if lost
The destination is set.
One step, two step and the extension.

They seem to know,
But I still can’t see…
What is even the reality?
Somebody’s loss is someone’s victory?
That does not make sense to me.

Racing through everyone,
Everything.
A little too fast? A little too late?
For some like me,
It is a waiting game.

All I seek is clarity.
What is the use of certainty?
I took the journey for the window seat.
Yes, I’m caught up in all the scenery.
That is where I find all the mysteries.

Walking through everyone,
Everything.
A little too slow? A little too quick?
It is a waiting game.
Hopefully, it does the trick.

That dim feeling.

Thoughts are such a beautiful aspect of being a human. I wonder if other beings can have thoughts. They might not have discernment but in my opinion if animals can feel things they can at least think about basic things. Instinct in itself manifests as a thought and as humans we are offered a choice to whether act on that thought or not, and that seems like a distinguishing characteristic.

It comes so naturally to animals and birds to just act on their instincts they do not care about anything more than their needs. But our free-will allows us to have a thought after the first thought. They call it intellect and it does this beautiful job of freaking our wits out with confusion. I guess this is why school’s encourage students to question often – just because we can and because we should. Think and question!

On one hand, it is a beautiful and powerful tool to be able to pause (think) before we act. But there exists a very fine balance between thinking and over-thinking, just like a few other things in life, how much is too much? When does thinking become over-thinking?

Experientially speaking, It is possible to be mentally exhausted and still be perfectly fine. A good night’s sleep should fix you up. But if you wake up the next day with a hang-over of lingering thoughts; when you have a dim feeling of uneasiness the entire day or night, it is at this point when one must stop. This easily qualifies as losing the balance.

Just like any other part of our body brain utilises the fuel of the body, energy from the food, but at a much faster rate. You do not have to wait until the physical signs appear and you lose some of your body weight just because you have been expending more than you should.

As fascinating as our thoughts and mental faculties are, burning out this system is an actual possibility. Do not let it get that far. Two things are very clear one, thoughts are a mental response to an external stimuli or an internal one (old memories or imagination).  And the most empowering aspect of this capability of re-living the past and/or making-up the future is that we choose to carry out these mental actions.

We choose to condition ourselves with what we like or dislike, we mask what we want to hide and show only what we want to show, even with all this practice when it comes to controlling our negative thoughts – negativity –  we lose the battle like a novice.

I mean it is our mental space, good or bad, we have been day-dreaming all of it. Why lose creativity now? It is better to immerse yourself in your story – one with a happy ending instead of tragic. Use these exclusive capabilities for yourself and for others. The moment you feel a dim feeling hovering upon you, remember it is time to sail into a new direction.

The destination awaits you.

Almost always there are two options in any situation I think they are called “fight or flight”. I get the basis behind using the word fight because it has its origins in  biology and psychology that, the adrenaline rush upon encountering certain situations could either make you fight the situation… Or run away from it, albeit an extreme word it is an appropriate one.

Consider this, strategies are for those who have time. First you need time and then you need a goal and once you are able to set a purpose you must set a path towards it. This works well when you are certain of ‘where to go’ and ‘what to do’ but you will be left with one task that is, to find or to plan ‘how to do it’. This is strategy. The more you use it the quicker you become because it is all about decisions.

Decisions come with repercussions and this is both a benefit of decision-making and the limitation of it. Whether we fight or flight, we end up somewhere. Those who choose none might seem like abnormal to others but will end up somewhere as well. So why decide, why strategise, why bother at all? Only to take it under control.

Simple as that we are innately control freaks. But some one said you can only control the outside to an extent. So we became controlled-control-freaks. Funny, right? And this controlling takes time and work. So, should we just let it be and go with the flow? Why not! But be prepared to be unprepared.

Control puts us to ease yet ends up putting us in stress. Gosh… what do we do? Perhaps remember that by decisions and strategies we only set the course, the purpose/the goal/the destination stays where its is. We might just arrive a little late, might hit a few road blocks, might get stuck in the traffic, it might be too foggy to tread on, might be boring or tiring or simply exciting, but know one thing – Do it or don’t do it, the destination awaits you. This or that it all works either in your favour or someone else’s favour that is all.