From vicarious to real.

There is always a first time for everyone. We are all on different levels of experiences in life and that makes it a little hard to comprehend when some one says, “you know” because lets be honest many a times we do not really “know”, we just think that we know because we tend to live vicariously.

But somethings just can not be put into words and had it been possible to transfer every experience that easily then, we could have all just watched a movie or read a book and be done with it all, but no we are not done with it. We are either motivated or demotivated to live that experience once we imagine it.

The thing is that, amidst all the drama that we are surrounded by, we are only looking for meaning. Not necessarily purpose just meaning. And connection is the closest we get to the kind of meaning or completeness we are seeking.

Personally, connection has been an easy thing for me to establish. I do not make friends quickly but eventually, quality over quantity I guess. And there have been times when I had to just break ties because we physically moved away. And as a 90s kid, I had and have off-line friends more than the on-line kind. Which brings me to the point of the matter and my recent experience with an old connection/friend. Story time.

When I say old friend, I mean just 8 years of friendship but as young adults that is a long time. The whole story and the answer to whose fault is it that the friendship is over comes down to this one stupid move (not mine 😛). I am not for blame game though.

What stupid move? Lack of communication? Oh, no there was plenty of communication perhaps, even more than there should have been. So, a fight? Not really, but yes a disagreement turned into an argument and “the friend” decided to just block me on social medium. And later unblocked. Does sound childish but what the heck!

So there, you see, one move. One mindless move was the end of it all. There are certain etiquettes to maintaining healthy relationships and as foolish as it is to break your phone in anger or throw profanities at someone (or lose your sh*t as they call it), there is always an understanding of one person “having lost it” which automatically shifts the responsibility of being calm on to the other party.

But with an action so passive and yet so loud like blocking a good old friend in all your senses and awareness sends a clear message across – the relationship is not at all valued. It is not only difficult to find an appropriate response here, but it is also quite helpless a situation and not to mention the lack of closure is insurmountable. What do I do? Where do we go after this? Even if you come back around what will stop you the next time? 

Like they say if it is meant to be, it will be otherwise not and that’s that. Things have ended before in one or the other way but this was a first and was certainly something that I had only lived vicariously. How does one just leave and then expect to be welcomed again. But that is for other time.

Seriousness… where?

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Ah! friendships. It is not only amazing to have friends, I mean people of you own age who know what the world is and can totally relate to you on every level concerning today’s times and scenarios, but it is kind of unreal. I mean in a world full of strangers family is something we were given but friends we get to choose and that in itself gives us the ability to pick the ones we like, the ones we click with, and the ones that take you away from everything else into a world where only you matter.

It is like love but without all the “compulsions” or “formalities” I mean you are in sort of an open relationship where you can be with one person and still enjoy the company (platonic company) of other people of your choice.

The most beautiful aspect of this relationship is the very absence of seriousness. I mean every group of friends that I have ever come to know has their own language, codes and various other ways of communication and also a mutual encouragement and appreciation for each other’s thoughts and opinions which at times could be utter bull-crap. 

I met my school friends today. It has been 7 years (there is a song with this name) since the time we would be in one room sitting and chatting, studying and spending most of the day with each other.

And today we spent the entire noon and evening at a local bar and it was a journey from past to the present to the future and regardless how many struggles we have in our personal lives, nothing mattered and time slowed down and the best part was there was no seriousness at all, only fun on a crazy level.

I am so grateful that I have made amazing new friends but even after being in separate countries with full time jobs whenever I meet my old-friends, like once a year or so, we do not have to give each other a recap at all because we just know each other’s lives and that is like amazing friendship, right? You meet and talk like you were together last evening too. Yes the technology plays a part but its all up to how strong a relationship is.

And that feels like being in the element. Playful, grateful and happy just being in the moment as it should be every moment each day.

Infinite like the sky.

I had planned on going to this amazing roof top restaurant with my friends and instead of going there directly we wandered into a near by monument for two reasons, one to pass time and make it lunch appropriate and two just because we all felt like doing something more than just going out to eat.

The monument visit was a great idea, it was nice as they usually are, tall and strong and a little damaged with time but still standing. We admired the work and the history behind building it, and found a quite place to chit chat there before heading towards the restaurant.

Here is the funny part, this fancy place famous for its 25th floor roof top resto-bar with its scenic skyline, night-life, and good food does not open until 7 pm and there we were trying to make it to lunch. Driven crazy with hunger we had no choice but to find another place. So we did.

This new place was in no comparison to the earlier one but going with the flow of things we did what made sense, moved onto the next best thing  in this case not necessarily the best but keeping with the day’s theme it was a new place.

At the end though we ended up having fun and that is that, with friends all you really want is the time to either pause or be infinite. Yes, infinite like the sky-line we plan on seeing next month when we go to this restaurant again, but this time with all information so that we won’t have to return with just a halfhearted thank you like we had to say to the guard today.

The best part is how we did not really get disappointed that the plan was totally spoilt, for the second time in a row, rather we moved on so quickly by accepting the situation and made a new plan and agreed on revisiting that place soon. This only goes to show that we just needed each other’s company. Fancy place or not did not seem to matter much. We have definitely grown a lot and I am really proud of all of us.

Ain’t no flattery!

Hello my lovely readers been away for a while, had a few things to sort out. The inevitable change seems to be following me like a bee that is after nectar, seems like a good enough metaphor to sum it up. Nonetheless, on with the poetry bug…

 

Flattery in each endeavour.

When seeking favours.

But no sugar,  no lime.

When it is about friends.

Real words with all mind.

Truth down to every dime.

-Insach

Right? Now that is true form of a relationship because it is much deeper than just favours.

Along the same line here is a ShoutOut to a  really good cover of a millennial music piece. Ain’t no flattery when it comes to showcasing your friends’ talent. In all honesty, this piece was sung and recorded by my friends in their OWN recording STUDIO. Now that is called making it big. Do check it out guys!

Note: The use of certain words from the lyrics is not suitable for younger audience. It is only for entertainment purposes so have fun.

Also, if you are in the Delhi region and are looking for a fabulous studio quality recording you may want to get in touch by their websites:
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Red Circle Productions
FB • https://www.facebook.com/redcircleaudio
Instagram • https://www.instagram.com/redcircleau…
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Singer:

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCivc43ANr3w8Cqgd3RxO2yQ

 

 

 

Like Glass!

It is sort of like glass just be careful unlike glass the reflections in this one can get distorted. Do you see yourself or someone you pretend to be? At least reflections won’t lie.

Just a lovely shot from my walk with me friends at a beautiful lake during sunset. Occasion – party for the new job. Hope this one becomes not just a learning but also an experience that gives me exposure. Anyway what a view 🙂

It’s a secret.

Evasive Action: What’s the most significant secret you’ve ever kept? Did the truth ever come out?

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I have never kept a “real” secret until now and if I tell you about it then it won’t be a secret anymore. Anyway it is one of those situations where your friend tells you something and you instantly ask them if anyone else knows too, but it turns out that they trust you with their life, while on one hand it is beautiful on the other you are given a power of sorts. I mean carrying this information which could make or break this person definitely gives one leverage over the other.

Gosh now that I think of it, this is how blackmails work. I think I finally understand how that works. But honestly it is friendship we are talking about. I am not putting that secret out here on an anonymous blog telling it to someone is nearly impossible. And yes it is a very very important piece of information that in first place is not at all mine to share.

How amazing it is to be the first one to know about something so significant that affects everyone linked to that person and you are the only one being chosen as “the one who knows”. I guess it is a good coping mechanism. I mean my friend got to share her feelings, at least she could vent it out to someone, and that must have felt like a load got lifted of her chest. I can only imagine how very light and liberated it must have been for her. And as far as I am concerned secrets only bring friends closer and I am  not telling it to anyone.

Although, with each passing day I have a very strong urge to tell one of our mutual friends about it and that is hard. having to hold a secret is not so easy after all. Well being so busy with work does help. But imagine being able to tell a mutual friend and perhaps discuss the matter or gossip… I do not know. I will keep fighting the urge until I can.

 

 

 

 

Solitude could be a choice.

Take Care: When you’re unwell, do you allow others to take care of you, or do you prefer to soldier on alone? What does it take for you to ask for help?

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Woah, what a personal prompt!?

When it comes to being taken care of or receiving anything from anyone, it is a little difficult for me. Not that I have ego problems, it is just that I do not like bothering people with my issues. I do not really expect favours. Seriously though how do you even ask for help?

On the other hand, I love being there for someone, I like lending a hand once in a while (whenever I feel like it), I like to know and try to make sure that my peeps are comfortable and feeling fine. What is more better than knowing that your dear ones are doing great? So giving is okay but receiving… I am not so sure about that.

Yes, I am complex (LOL) yet straightforward. If you have a headache take a pill and just chill (rest!!) you do not need others to tell you that, do you? It happened recently, I felt like really exhausted by the end of each day doing same daily activities so I knew I was reaching the burnout stage and I did not let anyone around me even get a hint.

This, not letting others know, only leads to serious problems. People think you are fine and you are handed regular work while in reality you can not even focus at a single task at hand. It can get frustrating, it gets for me, and then comes the change in my attitude, I get all agitated and temperamental. Funny enough, that is how my family gets to know that I am not well. Not by words but by my behaviour.

I guess, I do not like putting it in words – “I need help!!” instead I just try to stay calm and strong until one fine day I go crazy at some random point in time and the ones who know me understand (my friend Tanya can relate), but others just think of me as what they get to see – crazy, it’s okay to be a little bit nuts though. Being with yourself teaches you to accept yourself and be comfortable in your own skin thus, solitude is not necessarily a bad thing, loneliness is. Being alone can be a choice.

So, asking for help??… ummm not happening any time soon.

On a serious note, being a soldier or asking for help might be a choice but staying aware of yourself is a necessity. One has to learn to take care of themselves first and then they can take care of the entire world (if they want to).

But do you know where the real good feels come from? They come from those little things that your friends or family do for you by accepting you with all your craziness and still (for some reason) stay with you. Those are the people who really matter and if you have them, believe me you do not really have to ask for help – it just arrives.

 

 

A friend.

Secret Admirers: You return home to discover a huge flower bouquet waiting for you, no card attached. Who is it from — and why did they send it to you?

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And in a surprising turn of events we go from psychological prompts to completely personal ones. To be honest…

Roses are red

Violets can be blue.

And I getting a bouquet?

Chances of that are very few.

Unless it is someone,

That I did something good for.

But I am always good.

Oh, that I am pretty sure of.

If I did get flowers.

I’d be taken aback.

Thinking, who would do that?

Perhaps a friend.

But does any one care?

May be someone who finally dared.

A friend – sitting faraway,

Who is cherishing me anyway.

Haha that is for a special friend, even with an ocean between us she still maintains the bond and I obviously reciprocate. Friendships made in School are amazingly special and that makes her my only source of receiving a surprise bouquet. And that’s no secret.

Daring it was.

Daring Do: Tell us about the time you rescued someone else (person or animal) from a dangerous situation. What happened? How did you prevail?

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I can write on this, I had to think a little but yeah my memory has one instance in my life where I tried to save someone. It was both an emotional and a physical type of danger that my friend was in. Although, I have always been an introvert, I did not only manage to stay away from problems but almost everything else as well, turned out to be not so good after all. You should not be so scared of everything  that you do not even make mistakes because, no mistakes means no lessons and no lessons learned when you should, only leads to struggles later in life. Ask me about that!!

Anyways, so you know when someone is making a wrong choice in love or friendship, sort of like when you see two old friends failing on their friendship because of the “new” person in their life and you see it all happening in front of your eyes. Everything is so fast it all seems like a dream, one moment you are attending your chemistry class and the next moment (well, actually during the recess) you see a cat fight with some profanities here and there and a lot of eye rolling, it gets insane. And the sane kid, that would be me here, watches it all until the lines are crossed.

So, when that happened Insach ran to the rescue. All I could do was use the divide and rule method and not only to my advantage but for their benefit as well. When two people do not interact there is a lot of place for the third one, that being me, it was used for good. I cornered one friend and made them understand the irrational behaviour of the other friend as their fear of losing a best friend to the said “love of their life”. I think you know by now that this story is about two girls and a new guy. Just like I said in the beginning of the story I tried, and I could only do that unfortunately I failed. Turns out people lose sanity in anger only to realise of their wrongdoings and sayings later. And thus, new relationships were formed at the cost of losing old friendships. I was alright, though. May be a little shaken and scarred for life, but that is another story.

The same friend was in a physical danger once and it was a very common situation of my friend being lost in their world and walking on the road while a car drove by, as if it was in a race. Well, it was not as dangerous as it sounds and luckily there were no accidents because I was still sane and present there so, my right hand was quick enough to hold my friend’s backpack and pull her in, this way only her nose was scratched a bit, I guess. Here we were, my friend’s life in my hands in form of a backpack which was used to pull her out of a serious danger. Then, the driver stopped, took a look, saw that we were alive (had to be) and drove off. It is not a typical movie story – story but this one was much more realistic as it could have been. I was not the one scarred after this disaster also, at least in this one, I did feel like a hero.